Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 12: Authenticity

Point of Contrast 12: Authenticity

Shopping: The Great Social Experiment

The electronic doors slid open and I slipped into the department store smoothing back my
wayward curls. I intended only a quick dash into the store on my way home from the gym. At the counter I waited patiently, a little embarrassed at my shaggy condition and eager to spring back out of those sleek doors. The clerk behind the counter glanced up, I thought she acknowledged me, but she returned to her inventory. Another customer made her way to the counter and her professional attire and confident approach was met with warm service. "Did she just...ignore me because of the way I look?," I thought to myself. I let the thought go and spoke to the clerk warmly and directly and made my purchase. On a mission, I headed for the exit. When I got home, I realized that I had the wrong item and would have to make an exchange. An important event in the afternoon prompted a dramatic upgrade to my appearance, if you know what I mean. I did the extreme makeover and took my polished self back through those daunting doors. The same clerk was as the counter, but this time her response was swift and professional. I believe it came as a shock for her to realize that I was the same lady who purchased the item a few hours before. There was nothing different about me as a person, I had merely cleaned and ordered the outside. It reminded me of a sad reality and that is how easy it is to be two-faced. Being someone different in different circumstances and relationships is something we all have to deal with on a personal level. Are we authentic?

Everybody Does It This Way

The woman in Proverbs 7 had a big day in keeping her vows and making offerings. Mary Kassian explains that the type of offering she made was in response to an answered request. Imagine getting all cleaned up (which was required if you were going to make an offering) and cooking up a huge, extravagant gift to be offered in a religious ceremony. Washing and presenting oneself clean and prepared for the offering required planning and preparation. No doubt the people watching were impressed with this young woman's spirituality. She played herself up to be really religious. Who would suspect that a few hours later, the queen of hypocrisy would be making her bed and adorning herself for the extreme opposing behavior of adultery. In the streets, her enticing words reveal a two-faced woman, something Mary makes very plain in this chapter. One minute she is super spiritual, talking all about her vows and her faithful service. In the evening, she sets a trap for a young man and the only pleasure she seeks is her own. There is no concern for God or His ways. How could she justify her drastic sin?

Redefining God's Standard

The sage father in Proverbs is warning his son about this woman. He says "This is the way of the adulteress; she eats and wipes her mouth and says, I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20
She has redefined God and His standards as what she wants. Patterns in the behavior of the two-faced person spill out in day to day life, patterns that redefine what is right according to what self desires. There is GREAT DANGER in pretending to be something that we are not. God is never fooled by our "spiritual" rituals; He knows our hearts and He cares about our deepest selves. If we choose to settle for surface acts of worship, one day our hearts will be broken because we never took hold of real forgiveness and worked to rid our lives of sinful pretense. As long as we are pretenders, we remove ourselves from the deep cleansing and peace that obedience and fellowship with Him brings!

Designer Insights

Are you struggling with hypocrisy? Mary gives seven areas where hypocrisy expresses itself. A contradiction between who you really are and who you pretend to be tells the truth about you. If you are a girl who appears to seek God, but really just wants God to indulge you, then you are also faking true faith. External appearances don't match the heart if you are playing a spiritual role. You can half way obey the things you know to do and rationalize your way through the things you know are wrong, if your heart is not genuine. It is really easy to look down on others with contempt who are not living up to the standard you pretend to hold. You are a chameleon in your conduct changing your attitude and behavior to match your circumstances; if you don't really know who you are you conform to the crowd you are with.

What Does God Say About This?


Read Colossians 2:8 Paul says don't let deceptive empty ideas take you captive.

• Would you agree that judging based on outward appearance is a hollow and empty way to think?
• Would you agree that doing things to get attention and approval from people when they are not true to you is equally empty?
• Why do you think it is so easy for us to focus on the approval of people?
  

Read Colossians 2:2-3 Where are the real treasures found?

Read the rest of Colossians 2 and see if you can define "false humility."

May God help us to be authentic women deep in our hearts so that we enjoy fellowship with Him and live in joyful obedience!

Hello Ladies,
I will be taking a break from the blog for a week or so until I complete some school work.
Delighting in Him,
Catherine

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 11: Boundaries

Point of Contrast 11: Hedges

Purity Rating:100%

She wasn't looking for the relationship, but he started coming by the coffee shop and the conversations grew into a few innocently romantic dates. She was a follower of Jesus and she was eager to share her faith with him as she got to know him. He invited her to a party a couple of weeks later and she rationalized her way past her better judgment and decided to go with him. She had no intentions of doing anything that would harm her reputation. The date went terribly wrong. She was somehow tricked into drinking a drug that knocked her out.
Mary Kassian tells of her conversation with this young woman five years later in the introduction to this chapter. She innocently trusted the young man with whom she went to the
party. Can you imagine the horror she felt when a few weeks later she learned she was pregnant? She had been date-raped and this Christian young woman, with innocent intentions, had to face the brokenness of her life and a pregnancy out of wedlock. Mary explains the deep damage this had on her soul which was still painfully present five years later.
Young women are sometimes the victims of abuse by men and they often are not guilty in these situations. But one important thing to learn from this chapter in GGW is how to avoid many of these situations and others with responsibility through living a lifestyle guarded by sturdy hedges. If the young woman we discussed above had been cautious about her involvement with a young man she did not really know and had been careful to avoid environments she could not trust, she may never have had to experience the horror that evening brought to her life.
What kind of decisions do you need to make to create hedges for yourself?

Environmental Hedges and The WHY!

Do you REALLY know Jesus? When the early church was gripped by the reality that He was "for real" raised from the dead, it all began to make sense in a deeper way. God had sent His Son to tell them of His love and mercy. Jesus did do miracles and teach a way of life that brought joy and hope. He did suffer horribly, though He was not guilty, to buy forgiveness and settle the separation that sin wedged between man and God. They got it! And they were full of joy, so much joy! Even when the disciples were put into jail and beaten for teaching and proclaiming this great news, the Scriptures report that they were "full with joy that they had been considered worthy to bear humiliation for the sake of the name." (Acts 5:41 JB Phillips translation) The relationship they had with Jesus was more important to them than anything. He loved them and they were HIS! Lifestyles changed dramatically for this group of hopeful followers. You should read this exciting story in the book of Acts. The center of their lives and faith community was knowing and obeying Jesus!
When we think of hedges, we need the reference point of God's love for us to help us focus our lives on Him. Hedges keep things in and hedges keep things out! In this point of contrast Mary Kassian reminds us that the woman of Proverbs 7 is out in places when she does not need to be with the intention of entrapping a man. She is out in the darkness with lustful intent, she was not hedged into a proper place of self restraint. (Proverbs 7:9) This is a critical point for a girl who is choosing to be a wise follower of Jesus. In contrast to patrolling the night scene to meet up with a member of the male species, a wise girl is considering carefully where she needs to be to avoid dangers to her person and to her reputation. You can see that one of the main differences between a woman who is cautious and a woman who is not is a sense of dignity in who owns her life and she knows she is precious to Him.. Where she goes and what she does reflects a lot on her sense of worth and her desire to keep her relationship with Jesus close. She will not put herself in environments that risk distracting or exposing her mind, heart or body. She should never "be on the prowl" to meet guys. She looks to God to bring proper relationships her way and she would never settle for just anybody. So what if the world laughs at you? A little persecution here for the sake of the precious Name of Jesus is not a big deal ladies!

Physical Hedges

The Psalmist asks "How shall a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." (Psalm 119:9 ESV) These words are for every human being and instruct that the journey of life is to be guarded by whom? The young person being addressed here is responsible for keeping his way pure. The guidance for the guarding and the hedging is in God's Word. A young woman has to take ownership of the power of her sexuality. The curves of her body and femininity are appealing to men and draw them to desire her when they are exposed.
God commands modesty because it is a way of hedging protection around the woman and the mind of the man. Sure it's very cool to be "hot" in our culture and to dress to attract a compliment like that is asking a guy to look at your body, not you as a person. That's off of God's boundary list. Clothing should cover the contours and minimize the exposure of skin that draws the eye toward the secret parts of your body. That does not mean you can not be stylish, but it does mean that the styles you choose are not to uncover and draw a man to look at you in a way that only your husband should look at you. Careful checks on your chest, waistline and legs should be a regular part of the way you honor your body for the greater honor of your relationship with Jesus. Surely He smiles when His daughters pull that cami up to conceal delicate cleavage from the eyes that don't need to see it, or when she changes her skirt because she will not risk drawing attention to the intimate places of her body. She is hedging her purity in with a message that says, "I am not cheap, and I'm not begging for you to check me out".
Another place of physical hedging is how a young woman touches or allows herself to be touched. Impurity can begin so innocently. A girl who gives a hug to a guy with full body contact may not recognize that having this level of contact is very stimulating to her guy friends. She needs to avoid placing her body against her guy friends in order to protect herself and to protect them from wandering down unacceptable thought paths about her. It will sound pretty old school to say that physical touch like making out and the things that happen after that are off the list of a wise girl's "acceptable behavior list", but they are. Physical touching is progressive. If you are not responsible to set a boundary that keeps things at a respectable stopping point, you will easily keep on the escalator and go further and further toward acts that are sacredly designed for marriage. Paul tells the new believers not to defraud or steal from each other in this way. This guarding begins with how you speak to a guy. Mary reminds young women to keep all your electronic communication pure; don't phone, text, chat, email, skype, or anything else you have available, any message of yourself that is intentionally sexual. Don't tease with seductive words or looks. Don't invite or allow touch that is intended to be sensuous. Don't invite a guy to touch your legs, or other parts of your body that you should share only with your husband. Set the hedge up now with a heart that wants to please the Lover of your soul. When the time comes for the full expression of marital intimacy, you will reap a rich reward.

Designer Insights

Read 1 Thessalonians 4:1-4: Create a list of hedges that you could create to help you walk out the guidance of this verse.

Read 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: How does honoring God with your body relate to creating hedges of protection?

Read Psalm 119: 1-3 What is the reward for choosing to walk in careful obedience?

Ask God to help you create a list of personal boundaries that you will follow to protect your own purity and set an example for the purity of others; write them down and keep them in a place you will see them often. Pray that the Lord will help you live out these boundaries.

May God help you to create lovely hedges that will keep the fragrance of your life pure and your future full of blessing.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 10: Sexual Conduct

Point of Contrast 10: Sexual Conduct

How Far is Too Far?

How far is too far? We find ourselves attracted to a guy and we want to know "where is the line for the physical expression in our relationship?" Just how close can we get before we have violated some level of intimacy that needs to be saved for marriage?
Mary Kassian says in Girls Gone Wise that this is the wrong question? The deep meaning of our relationships is lost in the SEX SATURATED world where we live! So how do we find out what our romantic lives are supposed to be like?

The Ring

A young woman was very close to an elderly aunt who had no children. After her death, this niece was invited to go through her aunt's jewelry and pick out whatever she would like to keep.
A large collection of old costume jewelry had little appeal to her, but she loved her aunt and picked out a few things to remember her. One ring was particularly attractive so she tried it on and it fit. There were lots of small cubic zirconium stones forming the lovely shape. She kept the ring and enjoyed wearing it. She lifeguarded and cleaned with chemicals with it on because she didn't think it would matter. A few weeks later she was in a jewelry store and asked the jeweler if the ring was of any value. Much to her surprise, the "cz" stones were really diamonds and the ring was worth several thousand dollars. Needless to say, she took the ring off and now stores it in a safe place. She wears it only for special occasions; she knows the real value of the ring. It is no longer ordinary!
Hopefully, you will see that the ordinary and loose expressions of sexual conduct in our culture do not come close to demonstrating the real value that God assigned to sex. It was created with deeply precious foundations. The intimate relationship between a man and woman is a picture of something much more permanent than physical pleasure. We don't celebrate sex as much as we should, we make it cheap and ordinary by tearing it away from its real meaning. It is a symbol of the deep picture of intimacy that is rooted in the Good News of the Gospel and the love of God.

So what does SEX have to do with the Gospel?

Remember in Genesis 2 where God created the man and the woman? They were created in His image, but they were not exactly the same. The relationship they were to have together was unique, each giving to the other in some distinct ways. The idea of a BRIDE is not exclusively related to the marriage of a man and woman in Scripture, it is a picture of a larger reality. In Ephesians 1:2-11 you can just drink in the love language of God for His children. Before the foundation of the world (Wow!) God chose us to be in relationship with Him through His Son, to be adopted into His family. God knew that man would sin from the beginning and the love relationship of deep fellowship would be horribly broken. God had a plan, to buy man back from his sin and restore that empty, brokenness of life without His fellowship. The plan was for the painful gift of God's Son's blood to pay for our sin that we might become a people who are pure and acceptable before Him. When Jesus paid the price for His Bride on the cross, He was buying back hearts for a relationship to Himself. The Church is composed of His Bride, those who have accepted His grace and are following Him. We are awaiting a future time of being with Him in eternal intimacy. Marriage and sex are both gifts and symbols of the future time when we will be His forever and know and be known by Him. So when a man and woman commit their life to God and to each other in marriage, they have made an agreement with God that they will love and care for each other until they die. The gift of physical intimacy is the mark of this covenant relationship. It is anything but ordinary!

Designer Insights

If a young woman understands that her sexuality is part of God's plan for intimacy on earth with her husband and that it reflects the picture of God's love for His beloved Bride, then how should she conduct herself sexually?
In the Bible when a woman was betrothed, (which is a bit like being engaged, only a much greater level of commitment) she was very careful to be busy with preparations for the wedding. She was "taken" and she kept herself for her groom. As the Bride of Christ, we are waiting to be with Him forever, we must keep ourselves pure for Him. A young unmarried woman should ask "How can I keep my heart/ life pure for You in this relationship Jesus?"

Read I Thessalonians 4:3-5 To be sanctified is to be set a part. What does this passage have to say about sexual conduct?

Read Ephesians 5:3-4 If you use this advice as a standard, how far is too far to go in sexual expression outside of marriage?

Read Hebrews 12:14 What happens to the believer who refuses to be holy?

If you have failed in this area, it is time to seek forgiveness and start over. I John 1:9 says that when we come to Jesus in true confession and turning from our sin, He will forgive us and cleanse us. This is GRACE from the Heavenly Bridegroom! Don't go back to the ordinary now that you know the true value of your sexuality. Cover your heart and your body and walk in dignity until the time for sexual celebration in marriage is yours.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 9: Roles

Point of Contrast 9: Roles

Who are the People in a Real Love Story?

A guy in high school reported that he tried to open the doors between buildings for the girls as a polite gesture only to have them stand back and say "I can open the door for myself, thank you!" He wasn't romantically interested in the girls, he was just trying to treat them as ladies; unfortunately they didn't appreciate the honor. Treating women with gentleness and respect is part of the Master Designer's plan for men and women. God has established certain roles that are unique to men and to women. Grasping this design is an important pathway to understanding who you are. Genesis 1:27 reads "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Both men and women are created in the image of God, with personality, emotions and the ability to think and relate. They are equally related to God as image bearers, more like Him than any other creatures in the world. But there were some unique aspects of the design of each gender that are woven carefully into the account of their creation. Stay with me here; it will take a little more explanation to see God's big picture developing but the beauty comes together in the end!

God's Unique Design for Man

Mary Kassian explains in GGW that man is unique in the following ways:
1. He was created first. The first born male always has responsibilities in Scripture.
(Genesis 2:7)
2. God created Adam outside of Eden and brought him to his home there. (Genesis 2:15)
3. God assigned Adam work to do before the fall. (Genesis 2:15)
4. God assigned Adam responsibility to keep or protect the garden. (Genesis 2:15)
5. God gave Adam spiritual instructions about his behavior. (Genesis 2:16-17)
6. God gave Adam authority and responsibility in naming and governing over the garden.
(Genesis 2:19-20)

God's Unique Design for Woman

1. God created the woman from out of the man. (Genesis 2:21-22)
2. God created the woman to be a counterpart or helper for the man. (Genesis 2:18)
3. God created the woman with unique abilities to cooperate with the man in carrying out God's plan for them that neither of them could carry out alone. (Genesis 2:18)
4. God created the woman and brought her to the man indicating his leadership responsibility in the home. (Genesis 2:22-23)
5. God created the woman unique from the man to compliment Him. (Genesis 2:23) See the Hebrew language comments below.
6. God created the woman in the garden, a place of safety.

Adam had been in fellowship with God in the beginning, and the work he was doing in naming animals and keeping the garden kept him busy. No doubt he realized that all the animals had a partner and that he did not. When God caused his first born son to fall into a deep sleep, he took a rib from his side and fashioned a woman. The original language gives a beautiful picture of God's handiwork. The Hebrew name for the male is "ish" which means strong. The female is "isha" which means soft. Though the words indicate that both the male and female have some very profound similarities; they also are fashioned to be distinct. The strong one and the soft one were joined together as partners in the first home.
God had made Adam to work and protect the garden; he was brought to the garden by God, not created there as Eve was. He was given authority as is seen in his work of naming. Always in Scripture, the person who names has authority over the person being named. Adam named the woman Eve, but God is the One who named Adam. Do you see the difference? God told Adam what the boundaries were about eating the fruit from the trees and he later bore the responsibility for their sin even though Eve took the first bite because God had given him the instructions before Eve was created.
The woman was created as a helper fit for Adam. In the Hebrew this word is "ezer"; it is a word that is used many times in the Old Testament, but it is mostly used in reference to God.
God is the helper who comes alongside of man. Along the same thought process, woman has been given the unique role to come alongside of the man. She was given to assist him in achieving the great blessings that God had for them. For instance, God told them to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28) which was a command which neither of them could fulfill alone. Their partnership was to bring them intimacy,and a deep companionship. (Genesis 2:24-25)
We all know that Adam and Eve did not obey the commands that God had given to them in the garden and so their perfect lives fell apart. What was supposed to be a loving leadership role for Adam was harmed in the fall and the one that was supposed to be a loving compliment for Adam wound up taking authority and leading both of them into a broken relationship with God. They had to leave their home and its safety as well as experience broken fellowship with God because of their rebellion.

Designer Insights

The picture here is that the relationship between the man and the woman are symbolic of Christ and His church. God sent His son to the earth as a Heavenly Bridegroom
to gather to Himself a Bride which the Bible tells us is the church, the ones that have received His forgiveness and given themselves to Him. It is the ultimate love story! The King comes to the earth, pays the price to win the Bride through His death and promises to return for her and take her forever. Our relationships on earth are supposed to reflect this pattern which is always before us. Marriage, sex and families are mirrors that reflect the greater image of Christ and His Bride. Now the Bride of Christ looks to Him for guidance and protection and loves Him deeply, and is always preparing for His coming.

Read Matthew 19:4-6 Do you think that it is important that Jesus is using the exact words from Genesis about the creation of both the male and the female?

Since the fall, both men and women have abused their roles. Men have been pushy and selfishly demanding toward women and women have inappropriately manipulated men as well. Being selfish is natural, but girls, to act in a godly way is to have heart that is willing to be led. So when it comes time to marry, you should look for a godly gentleman that you will be able to follow.

Read 1 Peter 3:4-7 What insights about the way a man and woman treat each other in marriage can you gain from this passage?

Read Revelation 19:7 Do you see how marriage reflects the relationship of Jesus to His Bride, the Church?

Girls Gone Wise 8: Body Language

Point of Contrast 8: Body Language
To Flirt or Not to Flirt, that is the Question

Have you seen the beauty pageants featuring little girls as contestants? Mary begins this chapter in GGW with how the little girls are taught to flash their eye lashes and sway their hips in front of the judges. They are being taught to give the seductive look a woman gives when she is inviting a man to look at her sexually. God's reactions to seductive women have been recorded numerous places in Scripture and His take on the "flirt" is anything but amusing. He chooses to dish out very harsh punishment to the Israelite women who so dazzled themselves. Listen to this: 'The Lord says "the women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles. Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion, the Lord will make their scalps bald." ( Isaiah 3:16-17) The passage goes on to address the excessive adornment of the women, but you have to see that the first thing God condemned was the way they were carrying themselves and the way they were using their eyes.

Designer Insights

Read Ephesians 5:3 Paul says there must not even be a ______ of sexual immorality.
Would you consider intense flirting a way of hinting at a provocative invitation?

There are two ways to be charming; a woman can be genuinely gracious and have a heart to serve or she could have a charm that is seductive, using her feminine powers to draw attention to herself. Proverbs 31:30 speaks to the second kind of charm. What does it say?

Read Proverbs 6:25 What is the advice of the sage Father to his son about the woman who flirts?

Maybe this is all new to you and you have never considered this issue before, then consider this a place to gain awareness of how to conduct yourself for the future.
Are there any ways that your behavior needs to change to avoid sending sensual messages?

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 7: Appearance

Point of Contrast 7: Appearance

Undressing the Secrets of Clothing

Can you relate to being in an embarrassing situation when some article of your clothing malfunctioned? And to make matters worse, maybe you were not the first person to discover that you were exposed. Maybe you have heard about the woman who was speaking at a meeting; her hurried trip to the restroom just before she took the platform resulted in her accidentally tucking the bottom of her skirt in the back of her panty hose waist band. I can only imagine how mortified she was to make that discovery in front of a large group of people. Being exposed can be miserable and terribly embarrassing. Clothing and issues about our own privacy or exposure are related; but how?

How did this whole idea of wearing clothes get started anyway? If you remember Adam and Eve did not wear clothes in the Garden of Eden at creation. The Scripture says “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:25) So what happened? The serpent promised that if Eve would eat a certain fruit that God had declared “off limits” that she “would be like God, knowing good from evil.”(Gen. 3:5) As you know, Eve did finally eat of the fruit as did Adam and her eyes were opened, and what she discovered brought horror. The new knowledge of good and evil spoiled the innocence and purity of the couple’s relationship with God. They were miserable and embarrassed, ran for cover, sewed fig leaves together, and covered their bodies to try to hide their shame. When God found them cowering in the garden, running from sweet fellowship with Him, He explained the consequences of their sin of trying to be God. They would never be innocent in their naked state again. See Genesis 3 for the whole story.

Mary Kassian writes in GGW “Pre-Fall nakedness symbolized the purity and innocence of humans before God. Post-Fall nakedness symbolizes the inability of humans to make themselves presentable before Him. God did what Adam and Eve were unable to do. He covered them and made them presentable.” p.99 So it’s beginning to make sense; in Genesis 3:21, we see God clothing Adam and Eve in animal skins. God’s provision is profound because it cost the life of an animal and the shedding of blood. This is a window into the future when God would allow His Son’s blood to be shed to cover the sin of His people. So those first “clothes” were a beautiful provision given by God to cover the shame and brokenness of man. They are symbolic of God’s mercy and protection for the need of man that he or she is unable to provide to cover sin. The deep need of forgiveness and being made acceptable can only be met by God.

In the contrast of the Proverbs 7 woman, the writer is telling his son to beware of a woman who is “dressed like a prostitute” (Proverbs 7:10) Mary says that it might be hard for us to tell who this woman is if she showed at a game today because her clothing might not be very different from the other lady fans. Girls who are exposing their skin in shorter and lower cut fashions are using the intimate areas of their bodies to entice attention. Mary’s observation about the Proverbs 7 woman is that she is NOT a prostitute, she just dresses to hook men for what she wants from them. Now that statement brings this whole idea to a critical point for us. God gave clothing to cover, if we are uncovering ourselves to get something we want, the motive might not be so far from the wild woman in Proverbs 7. Exposing our bodies then becomes rebellious, as Mary instructs, this is a means of saying “no” to God’s provision and flaunting what He has said needs to be covered. Clothing is symbolic of our new dignity and forgiveness provided at a great cost by Jesus. There is a lovely freedom in receiving God's gift with humility and gratitude. See Revelation 3:18.

God desires that His girls be lovely; after all He created beauty. The hard part is to keep the focus on Him so that we will be balanced in how we present ourselves. It does not mean you can’t wear pretty or fashionable clothing, but it does mean you need to check out your motives in the clothing you choose. In 1 Timothy 2:9, some advice is given about godly women and their attire. “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.” Mary says these three thoughts cut straight the path we need to pursue in the way we dress.

1. Respectable: Is it becoming or unbecoming? Does it fit with who you are as a believer?

2. Modest: Is it decent or indecent? Does the clothing you are wearing grant you proper dignity?

3. Self-Controlled: Is it moderate or excessive? Does your clothing have to be over the top in quality, or name brand or the trendiest fashion? Are you trying to draw attention to yourself sexually or ‘rocking some bling’ to prove your worth?

Designer Insights

Read 1 Peter 3:4 What part of you does God want you adorn or decorate most?

Read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 If you really lived out what these verses say, how would it affect your clothing choices?

Read Luke 12:22-30 What is the attitude toward clothes that Jesus teaches His followers to pursue?

Ask the Lord Jesus to help you set guidelines for yourself in choosing your wardrobe to display yourself as a lovely woman of dignity and peace, filled with His love!

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 6: Focus

Point of Contrast 6: Focus

FTO... aka ...For the ONE!

Esther, a young Jewish woman lost both of her parents and her cousin, Mordecai raised her. She was no ordinary looking girl, "the young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at." (Esther 2:7 ESV) Her beauty turned out to be really important because the king of her country had a huge conflict with his Queen, Vashti, and opted to replace her. He sent out scouts to round up all the beautiful virgins and Esther was included and quickly won the favor of Hegai, the guy in charge of the women. They were sent to the ultimate spa with two six month periods of beauty treatments and a good diet.
During this time Esther had taken her cousin's advice and kept secret that she was a Jew. When her turn came to be displayed before the king, she did not ask for anything special to take with her, she did only what Hegai advised. (Esther 2:7) When the king saw Esther, he "loved Esther more than all the other women ...and he put a crown upon her head." (Esther 2:17)
From orphan to Queen, Esther had made her way to the top for a woman of her time. She had it all. Interestingly enough, she did not write off her devoted cousin Mordecai, because the Scripture says "Esther obeyed Mordecai just as when she was brought up by him." (Esther 2:7)
Esther's humble attitude eventually saved her life. You see, a wicked man in the kingdom named Haman had been promoted to second in command. He was full of himself! He wanted people to bow down to him and make a big deal when he showed up. Mordecai must have thought "you've got to be kidding" because he totally skipped the bowing routine. Haman was furious. To get back at Mordecai, Haman used his power to trick the king into writing a royal decree to set a date to get rid of all the Jews..."take that Mordecai!" OK so Mordecai sees clearly that the Jewish nation is in danger and Esther is a Jew. He tells her she has to step up and protect her people and says this might be the real reason she is queen at this moment. Insert crisis here! Esther knows that approaching the king without being invited to ask for anything was punishable by death. She moves through the crisis and resolves to do it. She is willing to deal with the consequences saying "if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16)

The Fast and the Feasts

Mordecai prays and fasts before the Lord. Esther asks that the Jewish people pray and fast as she and her maidens do. They determine to seek the Lord and eat or drink nothing for three days and then she plans humbly approach the king and ask him and Haman to a feast if he allows her to speak. This is exactly what happens and then she invites him to a second feast.
Meanwhile, the rage is cranking up between Haman and Mordecai. Haman is bragging about how much honor and attention he is getting with big King A and Queen Esther, but it is not enough to overcome his hate for Mordecai, so his wife suggests he build a huge gallows for a hanging. Haman loves the plan.
That night the king could not sleep and had some records read to him which happen to highlight a heroic moment when Mordecai and Esther saved the king from two angry guys who wanted to lay hands on him. King Ahasuerus realized he never honored Mordecai for this kindness and asks Haman what should be done for a man who has honored the king so much.
Haman's overinflated ego gets him; he thinks the king is talking about him and gives a long list of amazing honors only to find his enemy Mordecai is the honoree. Ouch! Then Haman gets to carry out the honors for Mordecai. Double Ouch!!
The second night of the feast Esther uncovers the horror of the edict that will kill her people. The king asks who has done such a thing and Haman is framed. In moments, Haman is on his way to his own gallows, the ones he built to execute his hate for Mordecai. See (Psalm 9:16) Read the whole story in the book of Esther in the Old Testament.

Young Women on the Edge

Esther recognized her position and that her life belonged to God. In the crisis moment, she was not so caught up in her beauty and her status that she missed her purpose. In a world of status updates and tweets, it is too easy to be consumed with our own egos, putting ourselves on display and getting what we want. Our constant concentration on our selves is dangerous and empty. In this chapter in GGW, Mary talks about the girl who is waiting to pounce on her prey to get what she wants. It is most often a relationship with a guy. The big picture is all about GREED here. EMPTY hearts are desperately hungry and they look for a guys, clothes, excitement, grades even Christian activities to be fill them. There is a big contrast between Haman and Esther in the story, Esther surrenders her life to God and the purpose He has for her. Haman keeps trying to fill his need for fame and admiration with more stuff. It happens to us all; feeding the black hole of self, just makes a larger black hole. Our hearts can not find rest until we find Jesus. May He open your eyes to see that right now.

Designer Insights

Read John 6:35 What does Jesus say about the hunger and thirst in our lives?

Read John 6:37 If you bring all the pieces of your life under one Master, Jesus, what kind of welcome will you receive?

Read John 6:38 Now as followers of a glorious Master, we must follow His example; how did Jesus live?

This is active, daily fellowship and joy and the presence of Jesus and then setting out to do what He asks you to do. Crisis moments come, but He never leaves you! (Matthew 28:20)

Living only FTO...For the ONE...JESUS

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 5: Habits

Point of Contrast 5: Habits

What secrets does your room reveal about you?

Which of these items can be found in your room?

An empty can
One or two articles of dirty clothes on the floor
Hair bands on the floor
An open bag of snack food
A half eaten cookie more than two days old
A DVD or CD case on the floor
Make up spills on the dresser
An empty envelope from the mail a week ago
An unfinished card for a friend

A girl's room can tell you a lot about her habits. Does she leave a mess behind because she spends most of her time getting ready to go out? Does she spend most of her time in her room on the computer, watching TV or a movie? How do you think the girl who lived in the room pictured spent her time? What kind of habits could you guess she had, based on what you see?
Which of the items in the list are for someone besides herself?

The Princess is OUT

The women of Proverbs 7 and 9 are girls on the prowl, always on the street where the action is. Proverbs 7:11-12 "Her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market and at every corner." (quoted from GGW) The woman who is always looking for action is usually missing something important...a life! Now it's not wrong to go hang out with friends, so this is not an attempt to bash all fun from the universe. But if a girl has a life, she has some habits and goals that tell you some things about her. If all she does in her room is get dolled up to go out, or indulge herself in entertainment, then she will always leave behind a mess because her appearance and desire to be entertained is so crucial to her that it consumes all of her time.
It's easy to see how our lives as girls in America can get caught up in going to the gym, then to the tanning bed and then to the nail salon so we can be put together for shopping and dinner. Where in that list is there any mention of something for anyone else? Where are there any goals or habits that are being cultivated that are not external and temporary? No matter how old a woman is, this is going to be a temptation in a culture like ours.

Order! My life needs to be ordered around big picture priorities. I have to work at keeping my space in order and the laundry under control. The time required to maintain the order helps to make a pleasant and helpful environment for others. I need order in my relationships
too. I don't need to make getting people to notice my appearance my main goal in life. Real issues are below the skin! My priorities need to address the order on the outside AND the inside of my life. Believe me, this is work for even the more mature woman. As a follower of Jesus. my priorities must reflect that Jesus is first. Getting before Him in His Word and spending time with Him satisfies the deep needs of my life and gives me direction about how to follow Him. (Luke 9:23)

Designer Insights

Women are often commended for and challenged in Scripture to have concern for their homes. Homes are a place of refuge from the busy chaos of the world. Your ability to manage your life is an expression of your focus. But you don't have to grit your teeth and try to do it alone, just ask the Lord to help you obey His Word and enjoy His warm presence while you order, and quiet the chaos in your private world. And then learn to keep up the habits with His help!


Read Proverbs 31:27 This chapter is about a woman who is an excellent wife. What do you learn from her about how she cares for her home?

What is idleness?

Read Titus 2:11-14 How many times have you said "what do we do now?" These verses tell you! Massive love has come to us in Jesus! How do we respond as we look to the day we will see Him face to face?

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 4: Attitude

Point of Contrast 4: Attitude
Be A g g r e s s i v e!

"I want to push all the limits" one pop star said. Her abrasive, rebellious attitude caught my attention. In the same paragraph she said " I am a very troubled person." The cheerleaders yell
"Be Aggressive, A G G R E S S I V E", it's great advice for offensive moves on the court or the field; it's the same advice the troubled star is giving to girls and women.
1 Peter 3:3-5 says: "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." So the woman who is putting all of her effort on the outside is missing God's point here. Peter is teaching the women to be calm and gentle with a quiet and peaceful spirit. Whoa! Now that is a contrast to what girl talk hammers into our minds today. The sassy, "oh no you didn't" attitude is all the rage. And btw, "don't tell me what to do." We are all searching for meaning and a sense of purpose, but you won't find the answers in yourself. The women Peter is talking to are women who know Jesus; they are being challenged to rest in His love and to quiet and calm their hearts as they set their minds on Him and His love for them. They didn't need to be decked out to the hilt, loud-mouthed or sassy. It's the opposite of being sassy, brazen and loud...which actually, is associated with the woman who has lost her way in Scripture says Mary Kassian in Girls Gone Wise. That is the woman of Proverbs 7; she is a loud and wayward woman. She is demanding and well...aggressive for her own interests. She doesn't mind knocking a few people over in the process.

Designer Insights

Read 1 Peter 3:3-4 What does God value?

Read Zephaniah 3:17 Do you think of God as caring for you in this joyful way?

Mary defines these three words in GGW, define them for yourself and see what the Lord values
in the heart of a young woman.
Gentle:
Calm:
Amenable:

Several eighteen year old young women were at my house watching a movie. A couple of their moms called to ask them to come home. One by one they politely excused themselves. There was no complaint, no anger, just joyful gratitude for the evening and a heart of submission. It's a great example of what a gentle and quiet spirit looks like in action.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 3: Approach

Point of Contrast 3: Approach
Are you "Wiley"?

Wil E Coyote! Mary Kassian tells us that the creator of this character made him to "be a living breathing allegory of Want." *(GGW p.46)' I gotta have it' is stamped on his relentless plan to clobber roadrunner. Proverbs 7:10 talks about a woman who is "wiley" at heart. She also has a hidden plan to get what she wants. She knows how to manipulate and she is not afraid to try it.

Maybe it's like the girl who is dying to be in a relationship with a guy at school. She tells her parents she is going to meet some friends at the movies, but an amazing thing happens. Imagine this, her dream guy just happens to be at the movies too. Technically, she did nothing wrong, but the truth is she manipulated everyone to get what she wanted. Mary challenges girls to "take their hand off the director's chair" and let God order their love lives. Solomon comes through to give us super advice about giving up the control of our hearts to the One who made us.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths."(HCSB) God wants to write your love story! Why don't you give Him the pen?

Designer Insights

Our culture encourages girls to use their body, their emotions, their words, circumstances and even some spiritual things to manipulate guys. God has made it clear in His Word that those who believe in Him and trust Him must trust their lives to Him. He wants us to depend on Him and let Him direct our steps. When we manipulate, we move Him aside and take over. We are setting ourselves up to fail when we refuse the advice of the One who knows us best.

Read Proverbs 24:8-9

What does it say about a person that plans to do evil? Do you think this verse could refer to manipulative schemes too?

Even though every voice we hear in the world tells us to do what is necessary to get what we want, God does NOT agree.

Read James 4:10

What does James tell believers to do in their heart attitude before God?

Manipulation, exaggeration and self exaltation are three "tions" to be shunned for sure!

*(GGW) Girls Gone Wise

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 2: Counsel

Point of Contrast 2
Counsel: Do you get your counsel from the world or the Word?

Need a guide to help you sort out your life? The headlines in this pic are this month's bold topics from several best selling picks from the news stand for girls. Lots of advice here for the surface stuff. Did you by any chance notice what is missing? As long as you're scoping the pages for some fashion advice or a short cut to body-beautiful you've got it; there's plenty of posters and print to feed your interest in guys, but what about your heart? Is there any counsel that will get you on the right path?
Girls get counsel or advice 24/7. Take this quiz and you will see what I mean:
Who is Edward?
Finish these names: Miley ______
Justin ______
What does Hollister sell?
What does the word rainbows make you think about?
Venus is the name on what useful item?
So how did you do? No study required for this quiz!

Mary Kassian gives a second contrast between the Girl Gone Wise and the Girl Gone Wild. She says the Girl Gone Wise is getting her counsel from God's word and the Girl Gone Wild is soaking up the counsel of the world. The writer of the Psalms opens the book telling who gets the ticket to GREAT blessing. That one who clings to God and ceases to search for life's answers from the world is going to be blessed. Mary writes a paraphrase of this in Psalm 1:1-2.
"She does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers; but her delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law she meditates day and night." Did you catch the progression here? First she is just walking by, then she stands still taking it all in, and the next thing you know, she is sitting down at the scoffers university. She has found her home among those who blatantly mock the Truth. Kassian quotes Joshua Harris who reminds us that it's like ingesting a little poison each day. It won't kill you on day one, but how much will it take to kill you a little bit at a time?

Designer Insights

Can you trace the compromising steps Eve took? Following bad counsel leads to bad choices.
Genesis 3:1 The serpent caused Eve to ________ God's instructions. (question)
Genesis 3:4-5 The serpent gave Eve a different consequence than the one ___ had given and tricked her into considering the fruit from ____ perspective. (God, his)
Genesis 3:6 She bought into the serpent's lies completely and strayed from ______ instructions. (God's)
Genesis 3: 6b She acted on her desires. She ate the fruit and brought severe _________ on herself and involved her husband. (judgment)
This progression happens to girls all the time. Here's an example: God has said that for believers "there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality." Read I Thessalonians 4:3-4.

This means we choose no relationships with any guys that do not want to honor us as sisters in Christ. It also means no inappropriate words or touching in a relationship. The messages we hear and see from the media slowly wear down our sense of what is wrong. We might say "he's such a nice guy and he goes to church," but in our hearts we know that he is not a follower of Jesus. We go into the relationship thinking we will control things so it will be fine. There is a temptation to get involved physically and slowly we rationalize that just this one little thing is OK and there will never be more. Each boundary is crossed with tiny steps that lead to destructive behavior. Do you know that Adam and Eve died because of their choice to disobey God? Choices have consequences! God warns us to keep us from suffering the consequences. His love for us drives Him to protect us with boundaries that will keep us safe in His love and care.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog Contrast 1: Heart

What do your feet say about your heart?

These are the feet of some beautiful girls with beautiful voices on their way to womanhood. I wonder where those lovely feet will take the young ladies they are carrying. It's a perfect question! Mary Kassian puts a magnifying glass on the way God answers the question "What do your feet say about your heart?" The wise father giving his son some critical advice about women in Proverbs 5 and 7 tells him to watch where a girls feet are taking her. In Proverbs 5:5-6 he says this is the kind of girl you need to run from ..."She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it." Let me give this to you straight up, a girl needs to know where she is going; she needs to think about where her feet are taking her. The link to the heart is that if she is led by her emotions and desires, she will not think about where her feet are taking her. Whatever feeling she has will be her guide. Now ladies, we all know that we girls have a lot of feelings and they are not always good.
Take Eve for instance, remember her desire to eat the forbidden fruit? She wanted that fruit! Like Eve girls who don't stop to think about where they are headed can ruin their lives. Here's a perfect example: in a feature for a girls, a pop magazine enchants girls to find some mysterious love on the beach this summer. "Cute" bikinis are captioned with advice on how to max your beauty so your eye-catching body will win you some love from a drop-dead gorgeous guy. What kind of path is this? It all seems innocent enough. BUT it's not so innocent.

The Beach Retreat

Insert heart-checkup here! Watch this! Claire is active in the youth group and headed for the beach for a retreat. She packs her Bible and plans her cutest wardrobe combos around each of the days. She likes the idea of the spiritual retreat because it has been a dry time in her heart. And the truth is she is really excited about being with the guys on the retreat and maybe getting into a relationship for the summer. The retreat finally happens and it is fabulous, she catches Brad's eye at the first meeting and they start sitting together. Before long the retreat is about Brad and not about her relationship with Jesus. Claire never intended not to put Jesus first, but she missed HIM and she may not even know it. Why? She did not set out to seek Him first and let Him guide her life. Where is her mind and heart? Is she thinking about what needs to be first? Jesus is who she needs the most; only He can satisfy the longings of her feminine heart and guide her in relationships. But she gave Jesus a seat along side of her desires thinking she could work with both. She had not made the critical decision to give her heart wholly to Him. He fills anxious, tender hearts with His love and cleans away the dirt of sin when a young woman gives her heart to Him. He surrendered His life on the cross to pay for every sin and clear the path to real love. Cry out to Him, search for Him, passionately desire to love Him with all your heart! Fight everything that distracts you from His love! He alone is the Shepherd and Guardian of your soul. No one will ever care for you like Jesus!

Designer Insights

Mary lists these verses to show us what God says about a real relationship with Him.

Read Deuteronomy 11:1 God commands His children to do two things here; what are they?

John 14:15 What is a test for true love for Jesus in this verse?

1 John 2:6 Walking is the metaphor God uses to help us see that our lives are moving in a direction. If we expect to know/ experience a relationship with God, what does this verse say we need?

Proverbs 14:16 (NIV) A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless.

A wise woman makes a decision about the direction of her heart and feet, a wild woman just follows the world into deception. God will teach the wise steps in His word, but don't forget the most important thing is that He deeply loves you and wants to hold your hand and lead you on the path of all that is good.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog Intro: Wild Thing

What are the big ideas we need to get from this time together?
Mary wants her readers to grow in discernment...that means a
real clear sense of what is wise and what is not in a girl's attitudes, thoughts
and behaviors. What's the difference between the wild girl with the wise girl?

What makes your heart pound?

Maybe you are a girl in a Christian School, home schooled or even a girl who is very active in your youth group at church. You have a lot of Christian "stuff" in your life, so pretty much, you have the religious part of your life covered. After all, compared to the rest of the world, you are doing a sweet job of keeping your end of the deal. That deal is about duty! The woman in Proverbs 7 that Mary dubs a "wild" woman is religious too. She has just returned from giving her worship offerings, but in the same verse she is seeking what she wants...a guy.(Proverbs 7:14) She puts on some clothes that are sure to get his attention and she launches her passionate search for him. You can feel the tension building as she has her heart set on getting this guy for herself with a "gotta have him" determination. Where is her heart? Does she even consider whether this is a good idea? Mary talks about the heart- foot connection. Where a girl's heart is focused is where her feet will take her. Here's the hard question! What is the focus of your heart? No judgment here, just a critical question.
Who do we love most, God or ourselves? Love, this is not a distant idea, a real heartbeat kind of love. What does it mean to really love God? What does the word delight mean to you? Intense joy and happiness, even a sense of being captivated is what delight is all about. In God’s Word, delight often appears as people are invited into a relationship with Him. God knows the heart of a girl, a woman. He knows your desire to be known and to know someone deeply. He created you for this kind of relationship! He is a Father who knows your heart and wants to show you love from His perspective. It about HIM!

Designer Insights

Read Deuteronomy 7:9 Covenant and stedfast love are words that mean God will never walk away from a heart that seeks Him and walks after Him.
Why is it necessary to keep God’s commands?
What are the rewards of loving God?
Read: Ephesians 5:15
What thought do you give to the path you are taking with your life and relationships?
This journey is going to be about getting to know God and your own heart from His view point. Will you make a commitment to come with us?

Introducing Girls Gone Wise

"Hot" - how many times have you heard that word today? "Hot" is in, and every girl is hearing that to be hot is the ultimate compliment. A couple of pop mags featured page after page of advice on how to look hot and get guys to notice you. What's a girl to do? lol ...actually...don't lol! Because we (you and I, girls) are stuck in media madness. The ultimate rush is that being a woman is being one part of a hot couple or least getting a lot of male attention! That's a lot of pressure girls... Question: is that all there is? How does God feel about this whole "hot" thing? Isn't that just a "girl gone wild"?
Mary Kassian is a woman who really cares about the struggles that younger (and older) women are facing. Her new book, Girls Gone Wise, cuts through these issues from God's perspective. On Tuesday and Thursday of each week starting May 18th, Mary's video blog will be posted here. Start at the bottom of the page and work your way up to the latest post, if you are just beginning. With each video, I will post Scripture, excerpts from the book, and some questions to help younger women find the design and behavior of a "girl gone wise". Both Mary and I really care about the tough challenges in your life and want to help you discover and celebrate true womanhood from the Designer's perspective.