Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 9: Roles

Point of Contrast 9: Roles

Who are the People in a Real Love Story?

A guy in high school reported that he tried to open the doors between buildings for the girls as a polite gesture only to have them stand back and say "I can open the door for myself, thank you!" He wasn't romantically interested in the girls, he was just trying to treat them as ladies; unfortunately they didn't appreciate the honor. Treating women with gentleness and respect is part of the Master Designer's plan for men and women. God has established certain roles that are unique to men and to women. Grasping this design is an important pathway to understanding who you are. Genesis 1:27 reads "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Both men and women are created in the image of God, with personality, emotions and the ability to think and relate. They are equally related to God as image bearers, more like Him than any other creatures in the world. But there were some unique aspects of the design of each gender that are woven carefully into the account of their creation. Stay with me here; it will take a little more explanation to see God's big picture developing but the beauty comes together in the end!

God's Unique Design for Man

Mary Kassian explains in GGW that man is unique in the following ways:
1. He was created first. The first born male always has responsibilities in Scripture.
(Genesis 2:7)
2. God created Adam outside of Eden and brought him to his home there. (Genesis 2:15)
3. God assigned Adam work to do before the fall. (Genesis 2:15)
4. God assigned Adam responsibility to keep or protect the garden. (Genesis 2:15)
5. God gave Adam spiritual instructions about his behavior. (Genesis 2:16-17)
6. God gave Adam authority and responsibility in naming and governing over the garden.
(Genesis 2:19-20)

God's Unique Design for Woman

1. God created the woman from out of the man. (Genesis 2:21-22)
2. God created the woman to be a counterpart or helper for the man. (Genesis 2:18)
3. God created the woman with unique abilities to cooperate with the man in carrying out God's plan for them that neither of them could carry out alone. (Genesis 2:18)
4. God created the woman and brought her to the man indicating his leadership responsibility in the home. (Genesis 2:22-23)
5. God created the woman unique from the man to compliment Him. (Genesis 2:23) See the Hebrew language comments below.
6. God created the woman in the garden, a place of safety.

Adam had been in fellowship with God in the beginning, and the work he was doing in naming animals and keeping the garden kept him busy. No doubt he realized that all the animals had a partner and that he did not. When God caused his first born son to fall into a deep sleep, he took a rib from his side and fashioned a woman. The original language gives a beautiful picture of God's handiwork. The Hebrew name for the male is "ish" which means strong. The female is "isha" which means soft. Though the words indicate that both the male and female have some very profound similarities; they also are fashioned to be distinct. The strong one and the soft one were joined together as partners in the first home.
God had made Adam to work and protect the garden; he was brought to the garden by God, not created there as Eve was. He was given authority as is seen in his work of naming. Always in Scripture, the person who names has authority over the person being named. Adam named the woman Eve, but God is the One who named Adam. Do you see the difference? God told Adam what the boundaries were about eating the fruit from the trees and he later bore the responsibility for their sin even though Eve took the first bite because God had given him the instructions before Eve was created.
The woman was created as a helper fit for Adam. In the Hebrew this word is "ezer"; it is a word that is used many times in the Old Testament, but it is mostly used in reference to God.
God is the helper who comes alongside of man. Along the same thought process, woman has been given the unique role to come alongside of the man. She was given to assist him in achieving the great blessings that God had for them. For instance, God told them to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28) which was a command which neither of them could fulfill alone. Their partnership was to bring them intimacy,and a deep companionship. (Genesis 2:24-25)
We all know that Adam and Eve did not obey the commands that God had given to them in the garden and so their perfect lives fell apart. What was supposed to be a loving leadership role for Adam was harmed in the fall and the one that was supposed to be a loving compliment for Adam wound up taking authority and leading both of them into a broken relationship with God. They had to leave their home and its safety as well as experience broken fellowship with God because of their rebellion.

Designer Insights

The picture here is that the relationship between the man and the woman are symbolic of Christ and His church. God sent His son to the earth as a Heavenly Bridegroom
to gather to Himself a Bride which the Bible tells us is the church, the ones that have received His forgiveness and given themselves to Him. It is the ultimate love story! The King comes to the earth, pays the price to win the Bride through His death and promises to return for her and take her forever. Our relationships on earth are supposed to reflect this pattern which is always before us. Marriage, sex and families are mirrors that reflect the greater image of Christ and His Bride. Now the Bride of Christ looks to Him for guidance and protection and loves Him deeply, and is always preparing for His coming.

Read Matthew 19:4-6 Do you think that it is important that Jesus is using the exact words from Genesis about the creation of both the male and the female?

Since the fall, both men and women have abused their roles. Men have been pushy and selfishly demanding toward women and women have inappropriately manipulated men as well. Being selfish is natural, but girls, to act in a godly way is to have heart that is willing to be led. So when it comes time to marry, you should look for a godly gentleman that you will be able to follow.

Read 1 Peter 3:4-7 What insights about the way a man and woman treat each other in marriage can you gain from this passage?

Read Revelation 19:7 Do you see how marriage reflects the relationship of Jesus to His Bride, the Church?

Girls Gone Wise 8: Body Language

Point of Contrast 8: Body Language
To Flirt or Not to Flirt, that is the Question

Have you seen the beauty pageants featuring little girls as contestants? Mary begins this chapter in GGW with how the little girls are taught to flash their eye lashes and sway their hips in front of the judges. They are being taught to give the seductive look a woman gives when she is inviting a man to look at her sexually. God's reactions to seductive women have been recorded numerous places in Scripture and His take on the "flirt" is anything but amusing. He chooses to dish out very harsh punishment to the Israelite women who so dazzled themselves. Listen to this: 'The Lord says "the women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles. Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion, the Lord will make their scalps bald." ( Isaiah 3:16-17) The passage goes on to address the excessive adornment of the women, but you have to see that the first thing God condemned was the way they were carrying themselves and the way they were using their eyes.

Designer Insights

Read Ephesians 5:3 Paul says there must not even be a ______ of sexual immorality.
Would you consider intense flirting a way of hinting at a provocative invitation?

There are two ways to be charming; a woman can be genuinely gracious and have a heart to serve or she could have a charm that is seductive, using her feminine powers to draw attention to herself. Proverbs 31:30 speaks to the second kind of charm. What does it say?

Read Proverbs 6:25 What is the advice of the sage Father to his son about the woman who flirts?

Maybe this is all new to you and you have never considered this issue before, then consider this a place to gain awareness of how to conduct yourself for the future.
Are there any ways that your behavior needs to change to avoid sending sensual messages?

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 7: Appearance

Point of Contrast 7: Appearance

Undressing the Secrets of Clothing

Can you relate to being in an embarrassing situation when some article of your clothing malfunctioned? And to make matters worse, maybe you were not the first person to discover that you were exposed. Maybe you have heard about the woman who was speaking at a meeting; her hurried trip to the restroom just before she took the platform resulted in her accidentally tucking the bottom of her skirt in the back of her panty hose waist band. I can only imagine how mortified she was to make that discovery in front of a large group of people. Being exposed can be miserable and terribly embarrassing. Clothing and issues about our own privacy or exposure are related; but how?

How did this whole idea of wearing clothes get started anyway? If you remember Adam and Eve did not wear clothes in the Garden of Eden at creation. The Scripture says “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:25) So what happened? The serpent promised that if Eve would eat a certain fruit that God had declared “off limits” that she “would be like God, knowing good from evil.”(Gen. 3:5) As you know, Eve did finally eat of the fruit as did Adam and her eyes were opened, and what she discovered brought horror. The new knowledge of good and evil spoiled the innocence and purity of the couple’s relationship with God. They were miserable and embarrassed, ran for cover, sewed fig leaves together, and covered their bodies to try to hide their shame. When God found them cowering in the garden, running from sweet fellowship with Him, He explained the consequences of their sin of trying to be God. They would never be innocent in their naked state again. See Genesis 3 for the whole story.

Mary Kassian writes in GGW “Pre-Fall nakedness symbolized the purity and innocence of humans before God. Post-Fall nakedness symbolizes the inability of humans to make themselves presentable before Him. God did what Adam and Eve were unable to do. He covered them and made them presentable.” p.99 So it’s beginning to make sense; in Genesis 3:21, we see God clothing Adam and Eve in animal skins. God’s provision is profound because it cost the life of an animal and the shedding of blood. This is a window into the future when God would allow His Son’s blood to be shed to cover the sin of His people. So those first “clothes” were a beautiful provision given by God to cover the shame and brokenness of man. They are symbolic of God’s mercy and protection for the need of man that he or she is unable to provide to cover sin. The deep need of forgiveness and being made acceptable can only be met by God.

In the contrast of the Proverbs 7 woman, the writer is telling his son to beware of a woman who is “dressed like a prostitute” (Proverbs 7:10) Mary says that it might be hard for us to tell who this woman is if she showed at a game today because her clothing might not be very different from the other lady fans. Girls who are exposing their skin in shorter and lower cut fashions are using the intimate areas of their bodies to entice attention. Mary’s observation about the Proverbs 7 woman is that she is NOT a prostitute, she just dresses to hook men for what she wants from them. Now that statement brings this whole idea to a critical point for us. God gave clothing to cover, if we are uncovering ourselves to get something we want, the motive might not be so far from the wild woman in Proverbs 7. Exposing our bodies then becomes rebellious, as Mary instructs, this is a means of saying “no” to God’s provision and flaunting what He has said needs to be covered. Clothing is symbolic of our new dignity and forgiveness provided at a great cost by Jesus. There is a lovely freedom in receiving God's gift with humility and gratitude. See Revelation 3:18.

God desires that His girls be lovely; after all He created beauty. The hard part is to keep the focus on Him so that we will be balanced in how we present ourselves. It does not mean you can’t wear pretty or fashionable clothing, but it does mean you need to check out your motives in the clothing you choose. In 1 Timothy 2:9, some advice is given about godly women and their attire. “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.” Mary says these three thoughts cut straight the path we need to pursue in the way we dress.

1. Respectable: Is it becoming or unbecoming? Does it fit with who you are as a believer?

2. Modest: Is it decent or indecent? Does the clothing you are wearing grant you proper dignity?

3. Self-Controlled: Is it moderate or excessive? Does your clothing have to be over the top in quality, or name brand or the trendiest fashion? Are you trying to draw attention to yourself sexually or ‘rocking some bling’ to prove your worth?

Designer Insights

Read 1 Peter 3:4 What part of you does God want you adorn or decorate most?

Read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 If you really lived out what these verses say, how would it affect your clothing choices?

Read Luke 12:22-30 What is the attitude toward clothes that Jesus teaches His followers to pursue?

Ask the Lord Jesus to help you set guidelines for yourself in choosing your wardrobe to display yourself as a lovely woman of dignity and peace, filled with His love!

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 6: Focus

Point of Contrast 6: Focus

FTO... aka ...For the ONE!

Esther, a young Jewish woman lost both of her parents and her cousin, Mordecai raised her. She was no ordinary looking girl, "the young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at." (Esther 2:7 ESV) Her beauty turned out to be really important because the king of her country had a huge conflict with his Queen, Vashti, and opted to replace her. He sent out scouts to round up all the beautiful virgins and Esther was included and quickly won the favor of Hegai, the guy in charge of the women. They were sent to the ultimate spa with two six month periods of beauty treatments and a good diet.
During this time Esther had taken her cousin's advice and kept secret that she was a Jew. When her turn came to be displayed before the king, she did not ask for anything special to take with her, she did only what Hegai advised. (Esther 2:7) When the king saw Esther, he "loved Esther more than all the other women ...and he put a crown upon her head." (Esther 2:17)
From orphan to Queen, Esther had made her way to the top for a woman of her time. She had it all. Interestingly enough, she did not write off her devoted cousin Mordecai, because the Scripture says "Esther obeyed Mordecai just as when she was brought up by him." (Esther 2:7)
Esther's humble attitude eventually saved her life. You see, a wicked man in the kingdom named Haman had been promoted to second in command. He was full of himself! He wanted people to bow down to him and make a big deal when he showed up. Mordecai must have thought "you've got to be kidding" because he totally skipped the bowing routine. Haman was furious. To get back at Mordecai, Haman used his power to trick the king into writing a royal decree to set a date to get rid of all the Jews..."take that Mordecai!" OK so Mordecai sees clearly that the Jewish nation is in danger and Esther is a Jew. He tells her she has to step up and protect her people and says this might be the real reason she is queen at this moment. Insert crisis here! Esther knows that approaching the king without being invited to ask for anything was punishable by death. She moves through the crisis and resolves to do it. She is willing to deal with the consequences saying "if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16)

The Fast and the Feasts

Mordecai prays and fasts before the Lord. Esther asks that the Jewish people pray and fast as she and her maidens do. They determine to seek the Lord and eat or drink nothing for three days and then she plans humbly approach the king and ask him and Haman to a feast if he allows her to speak. This is exactly what happens and then she invites him to a second feast.
Meanwhile, the rage is cranking up between Haman and Mordecai. Haman is bragging about how much honor and attention he is getting with big King A and Queen Esther, but it is not enough to overcome his hate for Mordecai, so his wife suggests he build a huge gallows for a hanging. Haman loves the plan.
That night the king could not sleep and had some records read to him which happen to highlight a heroic moment when Mordecai and Esther saved the king from two angry guys who wanted to lay hands on him. King Ahasuerus realized he never honored Mordecai for this kindness and asks Haman what should be done for a man who has honored the king so much.
Haman's overinflated ego gets him; he thinks the king is talking about him and gives a long list of amazing honors only to find his enemy Mordecai is the honoree. Ouch! Then Haman gets to carry out the honors for Mordecai. Double Ouch!!
The second night of the feast Esther uncovers the horror of the edict that will kill her people. The king asks who has done such a thing and Haman is framed. In moments, Haman is on his way to his own gallows, the ones he built to execute his hate for Mordecai. See (Psalm 9:16) Read the whole story in the book of Esther in the Old Testament.

Young Women on the Edge

Esther recognized her position and that her life belonged to God. In the crisis moment, she was not so caught up in her beauty and her status that she missed her purpose. In a world of status updates and tweets, it is too easy to be consumed with our own egos, putting ourselves on display and getting what we want. Our constant concentration on our selves is dangerous and empty. In this chapter in GGW, Mary talks about the girl who is waiting to pounce on her prey to get what she wants. It is most often a relationship with a guy. The big picture is all about GREED here. EMPTY hearts are desperately hungry and they look for a guys, clothes, excitement, grades even Christian activities to be fill them. There is a big contrast between Haman and Esther in the story, Esther surrenders her life to God and the purpose He has for her. Haman keeps trying to fill his need for fame and admiration with more stuff. It happens to us all; feeding the black hole of self, just makes a larger black hole. Our hearts can not find rest until we find Jesus. May He open your eyes to see that right now.

Designer Insights

Read John 6:35 What does Jesus say about the hunger and thirst in our lives?

Read John 6:37 If you bring all the pieces of your life under one Master, Jesus, what kind of welcome will you receive?

Read John 6:38 Now as followers of a glorious Master, we must follow His example; how did Jesus live?

This is active, daily fellowship and joy and the presence of Jesus and then setting out to do what He asks you to do. Crisis moments come, but He never leaves you! (Matthew 28:20)

Living only FTO...For the ONE...JESUS

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 5: Habits

Point of Contrast 5: Habits

What secrets does your room reveal about you?

Which of these items can be found in your room?

An empty can
One or two articles of dirty clothes on the floor
Hair bands on the floor
An open bag of snack food
A half eaten cookie more than two days old
A DVD or CD case on the floor
Make up spills on the dresser
An empty envelope from the mail a week ago
An unfinished card for a friend

A girl's room can tell you a lot about her habits. Does she leave a mess behind because she spends most of her time getting ready to go out? Does she spend most of her time in her room on the computer, watching TV or a movie? How do you think the girl who lived in the room pictured spent her time? What kind of habits could you guess she had, based on what you see?
Which of the items in the list are for someone besides herself?

The Princess is OUT

The women of Proverbs 7 and 9 are girls on the prowl, always on the street where the action is. Proverbs 7:11-12 "Her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market and at every corner." (quoted from GGW) The woman who is always looking for action is usually missing something important...a life! Now it's not wrong to go hang out with friends, so this is not an attempt to bash all fun from the universe. But if a girl has a life, she has some habits and goals that tell you some things about her. If all she does in her room is get dolled up to go out, or indulge herself in entertainment, then she will always leave behind a mess because her appearance and desire to be entertained is so crucial to her that it consumes all of her time.
It's easy to see how our lives as girls in America can get caught up in going to the gym, then to the tanning bed and then to the nail salon so we can be put together for shopping and dinner. Where in that list is there any mention of something for anyone else? Where are there any goals or habits that are being cultivated that are not external and temporary? No matter how old a woman is, this is going to be a temptation in a culture like ours.

Order! My life needs to be ordered around big picture priorities. I have to work at keeping my space in order and the laundry under control. The time required to maintain the order helps to make a pleasant and helpful environment for others. I need order in my relationships
too. I don't need to make getting people to notice my appearance my main goal in life. Real issues are below the skin! My priorities need to address the order on the outside AND the inside of my life. Believe me, this is work for even the more mature woman. As a follower of Jesus. my priorities must reflect that Jesus is first. Getting before Him in His Word and spending time with Him satisfies the deep needs of my life and gives me direction about how to follow Him. (Luke 9:23)

Designer Insights

Women are often commended for and challenged in Scripture to have concern for their homes. Homes are a place of refuge from the busy chaos of the world. Your ability to manage your life is an expression of your focus. But you don't have to grit your teeth and try to do it alone, just ask the Lord to help you obey His Word and enjoy His warm presence while you order, and quiet the chaos in your private world. And then learn to keep up the habits with His help!


Read Proverbs 31:27 This chapter is about a woman who is an excellent wife. What do you learn from her about how she cares for her home?

What is idleness?

Read Titus 2:11-14 How many times have you said "what do we do now?" These verses tell you! Massive love has come to us in Jesus! How do we respond as we look to the day we will see Him face to face?

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 4: Attitude

Point of Contrast 4: Attitude
Be A g g r e s s i v e!

"I want to push all the limits" one pop star said. Her abrasive, rebellious attitude caught my attention. In the same paragraph she said " I am a very troubled person." The cheerleaders yell
"Be Aggressive, A G G R E S S I V E", it's great advice for offensive moves on the court or the field; it's the same advice the troubled star is giving to girls and women.
1 Peter 3:3-5 says: "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." So the woman who is putting all of her effort on the outside is missing God's point here. Peter is teaching the women to be calm and gentle with a quiet and peaceful spirit. Whoa! Now that is a contrast to what girl talk hammers into our minds today. The sassy, "oh no you didn't" attitude is all the rage. And btw, "don't tell me what to do." We are all searching for meaning and a sense of purpose, but you won't find the answers in yourself. The women Peter is talking to are women who know Jesus; they are being challenged to rest in His love and to quiet and calm their hearts as they set their minds on Him and His love for them. They didn't need to be decked out to the hilt, loud-mouthed or sassy. It's the opposite of being sassy, brazen and loud...which actually, is associated with the woman who has lost her way in Scripture says Mary Kassian in Girls Gone Wise. That is the woman of Proverbs 7; she is a loud and wayward woman. She is demanding and well...aggressive for her own interests. She doesn't mind knocking a few people over in the process.

Designer Insights

Read 1 Peter 3:3-4 What does God value?

Read Zephaniah 3:17 Do you think of God as caring for you in this joyful way?

Mary defines these three words in GGW, define them for yourself and see what the Lord values
in the heart of a young woman.
Gentle:
Calm:
Amenable:

Several eighteen year old young women were at my house watching a movie. A couple of their moms called to ask them to come home. One by one they politely excused themselves. There was no complaint, no anger, just joyful gratitude for the evening and a heart of submission. It's a great example of what a gentle and quiet spirit looks like in action.

Girls Gone Wise Book Blog 3: Approach

Point of Contrast 3: Approach
Are you "Wiley"?

Wil E Coyote! Mary Kassian tells us that the creator of this character made him to "be a living breathing allegory of Want." *(GGW p.46)' I gotta have it' is stamped on his relentless plan to clobber roadrunner. Proverbs 7:10 talks about a woman who is "wiley" at heart. She also has a hidden plan to get what she wants. She knows how to manipulate and she is not afraid to try it.

Maybe it's like the girl who is dying to be in a relationship with a guy at school. She tells her parents she is going to meet some friends at the movies, but an amazing thing happens. Imagine this, her dream guy just happens to be at the movies too. Technically, she did nothing wrong, but the truth is she manipulated everyone to get what she wanted. Mary challenges girls to "take their hand off the director's chair" and let God order their love lives. Solomon comes through to give us super advice about giving up the control of our hearts to the One who made us.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths."(HCSB) God wants to write your love story! Why don't you give Him the pen?

Designer Insights

Our culture encourages girls to use their body, their emotions, their words, circumstances and even some spiritual things to manipulate guys. God has made it clear in His Word that those who believe in Him and trust Him must trust their lives to Him. He wants us to depend on Him and let Him direct our steps. When we manipulate, we move Him aside and take over. We are setting ourselves up to fail when we refuse the advice of the One who knows us best.

Read Proverbs 24:8-9

What does it say about a person that plans to do evil? Do you think this verse could refer to manipulative schemes too?

Even though every voice we hear in the world tells us to do what is necessary to get what we want, God does NOT agree.

Read James 4:10

What does James tell believers to do in their heart attitude before God?

Manipulation, exaggeration and self exaltation are three "tions" to be shunned for sure!

*(GGW) Girls Gone Wise